I know it's silly. My husband is NOT a fan of the idea and I can't explain it...
but I have always wanted a tattoo.
Now it's a huge decision so I told myself if I wanted the same design for a long time (years) than I must really want it. I also wanted it to have a purpose... I wanted it to be a reminder of a truth that I should never forget.
Well, Bryan eventually caved and he's let me get a design and even took me to a tattoo parlor on one of our NOLA trips... I of course... chickened out. Hello... NEEDLES!!!
But the design...
I am blessed to have crazy ridiculously talented friends. Rachel is one of those people. She is an architect who has such raw and beautiful artistic talent... I am constantly blown away by her. You describe something to her and she can draw it. Insane.
Me and Rachel with a photobombing Elliot |
So, I called her up and told her my need and she immediately got to work.
She designed this bad boy in just a few hours...
Now This is only a temporary tattoo of it... (Again... Chicken)
But it's stunning isn't it?
So stunning I have to put it in my house somehow... because it is a Truth I don't want to forget.
ATruth God so lovingly has taught me over the years.
How?
Well, In September 2009 we
found out a startling and awesome surprise.
We were pregnant.
God is faithful in seasons of great
joy.
On October 30, 2009 at ten
weeks pregnant I started having severe stomach cramps and spotting. We rushed
to the hospital for an ultrasound and discovered our little bean had stopped
growing at 6 weeks. I had been inconsolable by nurses and doctors.
God is faithful when joy turns to
mourning.
The next week was filled
with doctor appointments and denial. On November 4th, 2009 on our second
wedding anniversary, I was subjected to test after test and another ultrasound
to prove that our “pumpkin” had stopped growing. When those tests came back
confirming that fact, Bryan ordered them done again.
Proverbs 16:9
In his heart a man plans his course,
but the Lord determines his steps.
I soon found myself in the
hospital parking lot, yelling into my cell phone wanting to know why Bryan was
putting me through more tests, telling him I was sorry that I had lost the baby
but that it was over, to please make them stop the tests. Bryan immediately
left work to be with me and we cried the rest of the day together until he
called the doctor and scheduled my D&C for the next day. He hadn’t wanted
to let go and had been praying for a miracle. Letting me go through with the
procedure made him feel as if his faith was not good enough.
Isaiah
55:7-9
"For my thoughts are
not your thoughts, neither are your
ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are
higher than the earth, so are my ways
higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts
I had always thought
growing up that Faith was something we could measure. All you needed was the
faith of a mustard seed to move a mountain... but how many mustard seeds did
people possess?
But I think Jesus was
using the example of a mustard seed because they are so tiny... He knew our
capability for doubt, to question... He knew about our frailness, how much we
would fail and yet He still went to the Cross.
While we mourned and
searched for answers we learned that God was not disappointed in us, in our
search or in our weakness. He didn't take our baby away to teach us some lesson
or to prove to us that we "needed more faith".
God doesn't work like
that.
What we did learn about
God was that he would never leave us or forsake us.
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
Our world was shaking and
we were lost and confused yet God provided overwhelming love and peace to us in
the form of loving family and friends and opening our minds to understand Him
better and how much He truly loves us. He would carry us through anything. He
carried us as our dream of a family came true and than suddenly fizzled.
Suddenly realizing that the Lord is walking with you hand in hand in life takes
away a lot of the fear of what could happen. No matter what, God is faithful to
take care of His children. To love His children and to comfort them.
Lamentations 3:22-23
The steadfast love of the LORD never
ceases; His mercies never come to an
end; they are new every morning; great
is your faithfulness.
In March 2010, a new
little bean showed up in our lives. Our doctor took every precaution with this
pregnancy and even ordered us to have a Heart Ultrasound done since Bryan had
been born with a congenital defect known as Tetralogy of Fellow. It wasn't hereditary but she
didn't want to take the chance.
While the new Doctor (Who
looked like Col Sanders, no lie) was asking us questions and why we were having
this special procedure done Bryan told him of his medical history and that he
was all better now. The doctor didn't believe him...
Who can stand against us
In my weakness,
you are strong
Your love is everlasting
I will praise you,
faithful one
Turns out Bryan wasn't ok.
His heart was enlarged to
twice its size and two of his valves were blocked. His heart was taking on so
much pressure trying to accommodate its size that eventually it would just give
out... and he'd be gone. No warning. No symptoms. Dead before 35.
And I'd be alone. With a
Baby.
God is faithful to constantly blow
away our misconceptions about who He is,
how He operates and how much He loves us.
Six months later Bryan had
open heart surgery for the second time. He is now in perfect health with one
super sexy scar down his chest.
Psalm 139:13-16
For you created my inmost
being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am
fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full
well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed
body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one
of them came to be.
God was faithful when we didn't
understand a trial he had brought us through. That
trial led to the protection of our family.
Philippians 1:6
And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will
bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
Please be reminded dear friend that God is Faithful
to always love you. To always do good for you even when life certainly does not
look good.
You are His precious child.
While it isn't a tattoo (yet)...
It sure makes for a beautiful wood sign and will let all who walk in our home know...
God is Faithful.
God Bless & Much Love,
Jessica