Hey there Ezra.

This is Ezra.

He is the new love around our house. He's tiny, adorable, semi-loud and perfectly healthy. 
What is not to love? Oh… and he looks like an adorable old man. 

He's precious and wanted and from the very beginning has been a sanctifying dart to my heart. 
Odd thing to say about an adorable innocent baby right?

It's not his fault I'm a sinner and it wasn't his fault that God decided to teach me that some things I thought were certain or went a certain way couldn't go another way. 

People always tell you the cliche phrase to not put God in a box but often times we put ourselves in a box and say, "This is my little box. This is how things are. I am this way. This happens this way. Get over it." 

I loved my little box. It was cute. I'm sure it was made of wood and I stained it beautifully with painted words and all the pizazz… it was probably a fantastic box. 

Well, you know Ezra wasn't exactly on our radar… 
and you probably thought like us he would be a girl… 

Yea no and we are done trying so we'll just adopt a girl later. Once our sanity returns…
Although… a family of just boys is still pretty epic.

So, the only thing I did know and was certain of… was how he was going to come out. 

Yep. Both of my boys were planned inductions with an epidural and they progressively got better.
Elliot, sort of a nightmare birth… but he is the first one so that was normal.
Ethan, WAY better… awesome quick recovery. Fantastic! 

Ezra… he was going to be a breeze! I'd go in and have them break my water since I was always told mine wouldn't break on it's own, I'd get my pitocin and epidural and have a baby in under six hours. 
Awesomeness. I got that. 

Oh how the Lord laughs at my feeble attempts to be in control of my life…  

Hospitals in Texas are run much differently then hospitals in Louisiana. While my doc was a big fan of inductions, the hospital didn't always have room. You'd have to call on a certain day and hope that you were early enough on the list to get in as long as there weren't other women ahead of you with emergencies or who had gone into labor… yea it was an odd crapshoot and you often lost. 

Like I did on my first Induction Date: Sept 24th. Fail. 

Now that was the beginning of my 39th week. I had a whole week until my due date and for once with a pregnancy I was ok. He could cook more. He was perfectly safe, I was pretty comfy… we could wait and see what happens. Maybe I could go into labor on my own (hahahaha…) and maybe I would get my next induction date, Sept 30th. 

Everything would be fine and I truly believed it. Babies can't stay in you forever.
They have to come out.  

Except there were these stupid random contractions that kept coming…
Since I was always induced I never really experienced real contractions. I was crazy super blessed so these little monsters that started to come became so annoying that we finally went to the hospital on Thursday at around 3 on September 25th. If I was 4cm they might keep me and induce me into labor.

Forgive me for being a pessimist but I've had four false labors between my other two kids. I automatically feel like a waste of a nurses time when I come in, they check me, I'm obviously NOT in labor and they send me home. Yet, Bryan really wanted me to be checked so I sucked up my fears and followed him into the hospital. I still couldn't stop myself for apologizing to the nurse before she even had a chance to check me. 

Nurse: "Oh honey you might be in labor!" 

Uh huh…

No. I wasn't even close. I was like 2cm. So, they told me to go walk around the hospital. 
I told her politely that wasn't going to work… we'd tried everything that was safe and normal to try when wanting to jumpstart labor with Elliot and Ethan to get them to come out and neither ever did. 
Walking definitely was not going to work for me. 

We walked for an hour in a really tiny hospital that didn't have much to see or do. My husband was trying to do his part by thinking I could obviously laugh my way into labor from the constant jokes and stories he was telling me… If anything at least it was a charming hilarious date with me in a really ugly medical gown. My contractions had gotten down to five minutes apart but weren't always painful each time. This was progress! We went back in to get checked. I was excited! We could have a baby today!!

2 cm. 

Oh now I was mad. I was having these painful contractions every once and awhile and they weren't even doing anything?! I grumbled unhappily all the way out of the hospital and my little "false contractions" as the nurse had called them followed me. 

I grumbled until my "false contractions" suddenly started hitting me no matter what I was doing: sitting, standing, laying down, ect… and they were apparently offended someone had called them false because they were mean. 

As we got the boys ready for bed I began to prep Bryan with a contingency plan. 
If the contractions progressed we could bring the boys with us to the hospital, my parents could pick them up… no biggie, they sleep anywhere. 

Bryan wasn't super convinced we'd be going back to the hospital so he was just trying to get in bed to go to sleep. We both hadn't slept all week thinking I was going to be induced any day. 

At 12:30am it became apparent I would be useless to help Bryan get the kids in the car, into a stroller and through a hospital. Bryan was asleep so he couldn't agree with my thought on that… 

I called my parents: "You should come over. Now." 
I got ready. They were now five minutes apart so in between the times I hit the floor in agony trying to flipping breathe calmly and not scream… I got myself dressed and semi-presentable then I went after my husband. 

Me: "Bryan, I need you to get dressed baby."
Bryan: "Why was the blow dryer on?" 
Me: "I fixed my hair. Get up come on." 
Bryan: "Why were you fixing your hair? It's 1am." 
Me: "I'm in labor. Having a baby. Keep up." 
Bryan: "What?" 

By the time we made it to the hospital, sans children because my parents made it to my house, it was 2:20am. 

I made it all the way to the nurses station before I hit the floor again. 
These contractions were super mean! 
I mean Eve really screwed us all over… I needed an epidural and needed one now!

A nurse bent beside me and took my hand. 

Nurse: "Which pregnancy is this for you?" 
Me: "It's my third." 
Nurse: "Ok, I'm taking her to 1224." 
She got me off the ground and half-carried me down the hall.
Another Nurse: "You don't want to check her?" 
Nurse: "Nope, she is in labor." 

I better have been.

They set me up, checked me out and at this point I told them if I was still 2 cm they needed to just knock my butt out. They looked confused but Bryan only smiled. After seven years together he doesn't hide the fact that he enjoys the craziness that flies out of my mouth. 



Holy cow, I went into labor on my own… I didn't even need pitocin or anything. Awesome! 

I told them I'd love an epidural and they probably would have to break my water. They nodded politely and just kept getting me ready with an IV, a million hospital bracelets and a random assortment of questions. 

Nurse: "All right I'm going to go get the anesthesiologist." 

My contractions were now a steady four minutes apart and they lasted about a minute. They felt like a belt of pain around my hips that hit me in the front and back and escalated up, peaked then slowly deflated back down and I could breathe again. Bryan would help by holding my hand, whispering how proud he was of me and massaging my back as they hit.

I love being constantly reminded how I can't live without that man… 

After each contraction I kept telling myself, "It's ok, just one more and then you will have an epidural. It will be ok." 

After ten minutes the nurse came back with a stricken look on her face.

Nurse: "I am so sorry but they had an emergency C-section and we only have one anesthesiologist but he is going to come here immediately after." 

OK. Who is going to argue with that? Sure, I'm in pain but I'm sure people have MUCH worse contractions than me and getting cut open super deserves drugs. Period. 

Then it hit me…

Me: "Will I have time to get an epidural?" 
Nurse: "Oh… yea I'm sure. Twenty minutes tops…" 

She did not say that with confidence. 

Me: "Bryan… I'm not one of those women who need to have a natural birth. I like drugs. I will not be super crazy proud of myself if I do this naturally."
Bryan: "I know baby, it's ok. Don't worry." 

Twenty Minutes passed.

Forty minutes passed and I was beginning to panic.
I was going to have this baby naturally. Uh… would breathing calmly REALLY get me through that?! 
I mean we took the lamaze class but the lady had freaked me out with envisioning a happy place and feel yourself floating and…. I COULD NOT ENVISION A HAPPY PLACE RIGHT NOW!

Suddenly the door flew open and in flooded the anesthesiologist and nurse.

Nurse: "Got him! Dragged him right from the OR." 

By this time I was 8cm but this guy… shoot he was like an epidural pro. I mean he literally gave me an epidural in five minutes. Thank you Lord! 

The pain started to fade, they were trying to get me to rest and my mom arrived.
This labor had taken an awesome turn for the better. 

At my next check they told me my water had already broken on it's own.

Well, what do you know? 

Ten minutes later I had a squirming, wrinkly, beautiful baby on my chest with the loudest set of lungs yet of all my children. 

Sure… nine months ago I cried like a baby when I found out I was pregnant because it wasn't in "my plan" or "my timing".

Four months ago I cried again when I found out it wouldn't be a girl…

Yet, about forty minutes ago I cried because I couldn't believe this perfectly small bundle that was so beautiful and so healthy… was mine. 

Am I terrified to have three children under four?
Yes. So very much.

Am I overwhelmed all the time with the daunting task of raising three Godly men who will one day grow up to lead families of their own?
Pretty much every minute…

But am I ever alone? Never. Not since the second I took my first cry in a hospital myself.

It's going to be crazy and I will constantly make mistakes but the security in knowing that God had this planned for me from the moment I was knit together in my mother's womb is a huge comfort.

God knows what He is doing and He lovingly keeps working on me. He has already planned out each of my children's steps just like he planned out mine. When I take a moment to truly remember that I'm able to get a hold of my crazy head and breathe.

Of all the things I thought I would grow up to be…

I'm glad being Bryan's wife and their mom won out. It's the best job I've ever had and ever will.

God bless and Much Love,